Nat

Some comments from Nat

It has been hard to write the following few words about my mom, Clara Smale. She was such an important part of my life in a general way, that I found it difficult to find the specific words to say. Here are a few thoughts and stories about her.

Perhaps her most memorable quality was her warm, mild mannered and comforting presence, and this is what I miss most. My friends always felt at home and comfortable around her.  When I was young and had a bad day at school, it was a relief to come home to her. Even when I was grown up and no longer living at home, it was always a great pleasure to visit, and just be around the house with her.

She was also very supportive, sometimes to the point of contradicting her mild manners.  On one visit to Michigan around 1970, to see our relatives when I was about 13 or 14 we were in a department store. I had very long hair at the time, and my mom would often, in a gentle manner, plead with me to allow her to cut my hair, which I always resisted. A woman walked up to my mom and said “why do you allow him to grow his hair so long”. I expected her to sigh, and say something along the lines of “I’d like to, but he won’t let me”. Instead I was surprised by her sharp and irritated reply “Lady, why don’t you mind your own damn business!”

Although Clara had great concern for us (Laura and I) while growing up, it’s seems like I never felt any pressure from her about how to act, behave or perform in school. There was no stress as a result of our relationship with her. She pretty much let us do as we pleased, with only an occasional frown if she disapproved. There were never any serious recriminations from things like getting caught shoplifting or trespassing late at night at a hot tub in a country club. She was a bit concerned about drug use in my teenage years, but no stern reaction.

Clara was very active in politics during the 60’s and 70’s especially in the movement against the US war in Viet Nam, but also some other issues. This was usually carried out with friends through Women for Peace, or with my dad. On only one such issue did I hear her voice regret, and that was at taking part in demonstrations organized by Iranian students and left wing organizations against the Shah of Iran in the late 70’s. On several occasions over the last decades (even as recently as a couple of years ago) she put it quite strongly that it was a big mistake, and felt she had been duped. Of course, she was horrified with the subsequent regime in Iran, and has always despised religious extremism, especially when mixed with politics.

It was great to spend the 2009-2010 school year in Hong Kong, and to see my mom frequently (she lived with my dad, about 5 minutes from our apartment). She seemed to have aged a fair amount and had become somewhat frail. She also complained about her memory, but to the rest of us, it seemed minor. After I came back to the US last summer, her memory got rapidly worse, and she developed a number of physical problems. I of course heard regularly from my dad about her condition throughout the fall, but when I visited Hong Kong last Christmas, it was heartbreaking to see how much memory she had lost. However, she still had enjoyable moments, especially being with my dad, who could still make her laugh.

She was a wonderful mom, and I miss her a lot.